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Six

So I went into labor, my waters broke before I actually felt a contraction.  I was laying in bed.  And its funny cuz that night I told Jason, we had gone out to a pub, like, "Don't drink tonight".  And then I was laying in bed, and he was still up with his friends who were going to stay the night, and I was like, "There they are, my water broke!"  So I was like, "Jason, can you come down?" (laughing).  And so we went to the hospital.  And I think we got there right around midnight.  Oh yeah, he (husband) shaved his head right before.  So by the time I was fully checked into the hospital, I was starting to get some contractions that were actually like real.  I can't remember the timing exactly, it becomes a blur.  I wanted to go totally natural and I really didn't want pictocin, or anything like that, cuz I had heard that it makes it harder.  I wasn't dilated that much when I got checked in and everything, the nurse that was on the floor was like, "I understand, I know you don't want pictocin.  We called your doctor and she said to let you go through the night, and we'll check you in the morning".  So, all night I was pretty fine and then like right around early, early morning I woke Jason up and I was like, "Get up".  So we walked the halls, the nurse came and checked me earlier in the morning and I was like six centimeters.  So I hadn't dilated all that much and she was like, "Keep walking around and see how it goes".  And by one o'clock in the afternoon, I still was only dilated to like five and by then my contractions were pretty intense.  So they called my doctor, and she was like, "Well, you know, she could keep going, but if you wanted to put her on an IV (with pictocin) it would speed it up a little bit".  And I was pretty hesitant, at that point the nurse had actually switched and she pushed it a little bit more.  And I don't know how much that changed my mind totally, but they were all starting to talk.  Cuz once your waters break, they want you to have it within 24 hours.  So I said, "Okay, we'll do that".  And many hours went by and I still wasn't dilated much.  I think it was like late, late afternoon to early evening, my contractions were really, really intense, but I don't think I had dilated, maybe six and a half.   Maybe less, it was sort of questionable, and I was in a lot of pain and I was like, "I don't know how much longer I can do it".  And I waited for a while and then I was thinking, "Maybe I need something to carry me through this".  The nurse was on the phone to my doctor getting the okay and they were like monitoring to make sure everything was okay, they wanted to make sure that everything was okay before they gave me anything.  We got the go ahead to give me a narcotic and she was like, "Do you want me to check one more time to see where you are at?"  And I was like, "Yes!"  Because it had been so long that I hadn't had any progression at that point, that I wanted to know if I was actually getting somewhere to feel a little better.  And they checked and I had dilated to like eight and a half or nine, and they called the doctor and she was on the way and I was so excited.   I was like, "Okay, no narcotics.  Leave me alone, I can do it."  The doctor came and she checked and I was like an eight and a half or nine.  I was doing okay and the contractions were really intense.  Again it had been just a couple hours of being at that stalling point and I was thinking, "Oh no!"  So we tried like different labor positions, birthing chair, walking around the room, all sorts of stuff; nothing was seeming to help.  My doctor was like, "You could try a little bit of narcotics to see if it numbs the pain enough so you can relax".  Okay, so we gave it a go and there was a sort of very subtle lessening of it, and then nothing really happened.  It was, I believe, around nine that night was when I was still nine and a half, and my doctor was checking every once in a while to see.  She tried to push the cervix to the side to see what would happen, but it just wasn't happening and I was totally exhausted at that point.  She was a family practice doctor, and so she wanted to call in an OB to set up a second opinion; by the time the OB got there I had digressed a little bit.  I was at nine centimeters and I was like, "Oh God......"  Both my doctor and the OB recommended an epidural to see if that would help relax me and get some sleep; and see if that works, hoping to pick things up.  So I decided to do that; I instantly fell asleep.  I was totally scared to get it and that was the thing I was like the most scared about, was getting an epidural.  Cuz, just needles and all that.  In our birthing class I didn't even watch that section, I was like, "No!"  So they gave me the epidural and that was a craziest thing, there was so much pain and then all of a sudden it was gone.  They let me sleep for almost an hour, and then they checked and nothing had happened.  So they were like, "Okay, we'll wait a little longer," they rechecked and nothing had happened.  I think it was those two hours that they started to talk C-section, cuz it was getting to that 24 hour mark.  I was pretty hesitant, at first.  I just decided that I would rather not go to the place where something bad could happen and they were like, "Now you have to have a Cesarean because something is wrong".  So, just decided to go for it and I already had the epidural so they didn't have to put me out or anything, that was really good.  So, Jason got to be in the room and they wheeled me in.  It was relatively quick, I was surprised actually.  The worst part of that was that they changed the epidural just a little bit to make it stronger and to totally numb you, obviously.  And then they gave me something I think to calm me, and they were like, "It might make you sick," and I was like, "What happens if I throw up?!"  And the anesthesiologist was like, "That's why I'm here," and he was really calm.  The doctors were really great, and my doctor was there the whole time.  And then the woman who was there to take the baby and wash her off, she came and introduced herself.  She was like, "I just want you to know that I'm here and I'm going to be the one who takes your baby, and your husband can come".  So they made the incision and there was a screen; it was kind of weird, but I really didn't want to see it.  They said you might feel a little bit, and just in the beginning I felt like a little sensation and then nothing after that.  And I didn't want to really think about it, like what was going on.  So then they brought her out and she was instantly crying, "Ahhhhhhhhh!"  So they delivered her, and the nurse brought her over to me before they took her out of the room.  If I had prepped myself better for the Cesarean, I would have wanted them to leave her with me for a while, but for some reason I just didn't think about that really.  And the first thing I thought of when I saw her was, "Oh my God, she looks like Jason".  So they took her out of the room and Jason went with her.  They took me to the recovery room and that was the hardest part; that waiting and I was kind of in a weird state.  I was really tired and I was kind of nervous because the feeling in my legs was like coming back.  I could put my hand on my legs and it's weird because your legs can't feel it, and I'm like, "Oh my God, that's my leg, what is that?"  That was the other thing about the epidural that I was nervous about, the sensation returning.  So that was kind of distracting me, but I was also really anxious to see her and start feeding.  And the nurse that was there was a lactation nurse, that was really great.  So they brought her to me and she quickly latched on and began to nurse and was like totally great.  And the rest of the experience was good.  My doctor, of course, talked to me a lot afterwards about recovery and she was worried that I was going to be really disappointed with the cesarean.  I felt pretty good about it, because I felt like we waited a lot, to not go there.  And I don't know the doctor who delivered her so this may have been to make us feel better, but she said she had a huge head.  And the doctor was like, "You might have been one of the women who would have died in childbirth, because she was so big and might not have been able to fit out".  And she wasn't dropped in the pelvis, she was pretty high still, so I'm not sure.  Obviously, I don't know what would have happened.  I had a few feelings afterwards, like maybe I could have done something more, but this time I did what I could.